back in hell again. i get to hang out with dad today and yesterday. mum and ken took cassie to Camp McDowell (CMcD), which is six hours away. they'll be back this afternoon. dad has to go to work at twelve, so i'll have the house to myself for a couple hours (SCORE).

nothing much to say. i think i'll try and break the news to Phillip once school starts up again, but i don't know how. i mean, he's one of my best friends. i hope he doesn't still like me. that way, i mean. i just don't know how to tell him if he still does. maybe i'll ask another guy friend..... because i want to stay friends with Phillip afterwards.

GAH! i think my brain just exploded.

So now I'm up in McLean, visiting some friends. I saw Jordan and Johanna last night. We had a great time. They wanted me to go to Liz's house with them and hang out with Mindy and Jamie and Ash. The thing is, I don't really know Mindy and Jamie that well, nor do I really like them, but I'm in no position to judge. They don't like me, either. I don't know why, though. I'd rather not hang out with them, though. They really changed Ash and Jo. As in, they're total preps now. And Jamie stole my nickname for Ash... not thaty it's a big deal, but still. Whatever.

Anyways, I'm gonna try and hang out with Ash today-she just returned from California yesterday.

Emily is being a complete bitch and I hate her so much right now.

Ah Michael and I had this great conversation. And at one point I was like, "lol i'm such a dork" and he said "no ur not" so i said "o yeah? y not" and he said, "cuz ur cool". I said, "ur kool too" and then we were all awkward for a moment, so then he said "brb". But I just want to know if he still likes me or not, cuz I still KIND OF like him. But I'm not sure, and I don't want to bring it up. Another thing is I told him I was coming up to visit on the 14th and he asked how long I was staying. I said "till the 20th or sumthin" and he told me he was going to camp on the tenth. So we were all sad for a second, and thenhe said he thought he might get back on the 16th and he was all, "four days". Four days to see eachother.

Anyways. I just thought o something I have to point out to Emily.

camp mcdowell was, of course, awesome. will scan pictures later. i met a girl named Emmy and we have concluded that we are clones. some girls thought that we were sisters or twins or something, but she and i can't really see it. but we have a lot in common-we both like to draw, read, write a little poetry, play the piano, and m&ms. and we both hate swimming, wearing bathing suits, the sun, and we both like the rain, but who doesn't? i could probably go on, but don't want to bore you. i mainly hung out with her and Zach. Zach rocks-he's been playing guitar for only nine months and he's way better than me. i've been playing for two years. lol. i would talk about everyone else-Vivian, Carol Ann, Emily, Kelsey, Devin, etc.-but that would take too long. Let me just say that they're all pretty kool and that Kelsey saved my life.

see, what happened was that this black guy-Ty-came onto me, and we danced/made out. but i wasn't really all that into it, but of course, he seemed to be. so Kelsey came up and i asked if canteen was open and she said yeah. i told Ty i'd be right back, but didn't come back. except he found me on the way to chapel and put his arm around me and stuff and i wasn't sure how to shrug him off. so i had to sit with him at chapel and then Kelsey and i were all, 'yeah, we have to get after chapel meds' so we left in the crowd. then halfway up there i saw Zach and Emmy and ran back to give Zach a hug because he was sad about leaving Emmy the next day, I was afraid I might not see him the next morning, and blah blah blah. except it was kind of awkward for Zach because he was crying. but hiding behind his hair-he has long hair. anyways, after what happened with Ty, i just felt like a dirty hoar for going along with it, and i couldn't wash the taste out of my mouth. it sucked major ass. and the whole time, Kelsey would just ome up and get in between us, which is how she saved my life. and my dignity.

So apparently Mum and Ken had this huge fight and Ken hit her and threw all of her stuff out of the hotel room where they were staying and Mum called the police. That's the second time police have been envolved.

and i'll be in DC after July 4.

emily just gave me a major bitching because i left a comment on her and one of her firends, britta's, sites. i was only stating my opinion, but apparently em took it the wrong way. she just always does that. whenever i try to say something interesting, or something to get people to like me, she just throws it in my face and insults me, like it's not good enough. like i'm not good enough. i mean, don't i get that from my mother already? i don't need my best and one of my only friends to say that, too. and i know it probably wasn't the right thing to say, and i accept the fact that i made a mistake by voicing my opinion, but she doesn't have to go and be so mean about it.

i just wanted emily's friends to like me, that's all. i wanted to say something interesting. because i have, what, three friends here, including emily? i went from somewhere where i was so popular, to a place where people judged me by the color of my-no, not skin-nail polish. Nail polish! and as soon as i left DC, it seems like everything fell apart and my friends backstabbed eachother, changed, and made new friends. and now i feel like there's not enough room for me there anymore. and there's no room for me here, either. and it just upsets me, ya know? so i was resentful and negative about alabama, and about the people here. and so i made no friends. and when i finally realized what a complete bitch i was being, i tried to straighten up, but by then, the damage was already done and i had already burned the bridges. and so now i'm completely alone. i've never felt so alone, ever.

not to depress you, or anything.

well, i'll be gone for twoo weeks; first to camp mcdowell, then to DC. see ya later.